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PARENTING WITH WIT AND WISDOM » 04_16_2007

  • Parenting Goal: To teach your child how to LEAVE you and go out into the real world knowing how the real world works.
  • The real world works---consequences to chosen behaviors.
  • Parents best prepare their children by letting them learn the consequences of their behaviors while they are in the security of a family environment.
  • Raise them in a family that works like the real world works. Run your family the way the real world works.
  • Let children make mistakes. Mistakes are significant learning opportunities. (Cline and Faye)
  • What you fix for your children, they will never be able to fix for themselves.
  • Adolescence is a preparation, not a performance.
  • "Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he can eat for a lifetime."
  • Healthy resilient people learn how to deal with failure and frustration in the safe cocoon of family.
  • Family is the place where we learn the skills that enable us to go out and live.
  • Teach your children that life is not fair and they will not always get what they want. Let them know that the world does not revolve around them.
  • "The fair only comes to town once a year."
  • Praise your child for their efforts not just their intelligence or natural athletic abilities. Praise them for their effort---they have control over their effort not their innate IQ or athletic abilities.
  • Generational historians call children born from 1980 until present the "millenials". They are the "we"generation. As a whole, this generation is hopeful, decisive, and team-oriented, goal-oriented, optimistic, high achievers, high maintance and solution-oriented.
  • They have a great spirit and great confidence. They are shaky in responsibility and accountability. They need more structure and guidance on how to accomplish and deal with things on their own. They are "over-parented" and find themselves lost when asked to step out on their own.
  • Children and Teens need---TIME, LIMITS, CARING.
  • Tell them your expectations and consequences. When they choose not to meet the expectations or follow the rules, they punish themselves for the consequences have already been stated.
  • Show them where the limits are and judge their behavior not the person. Tell them you love them too much to be indifferent to their behavvior.
  • "I love you too much to fight with you."
  • "I love your and expect you to behave."
  • Parents have the most influence with their children and are the primary educatiors of their children.
  • Use the 15-20 second rule when giving advice or correcting. This generation is very impatient because they were born into the Information Age where everything is quick and fast. They hate long stories and lectures.
  • Use the tone of voice, "Please pass the salt."
  • Give them responsibility to solve the problem. Tell them what is going on and ask them the best way to solve their problem. This generation loves to problem solve and teens can not think and fight at the same time. Make sure they know what the consequences will be for the decision they select, and then let them experience those consequences.
  • Let them have THEIR passion about life. Let them explore. Their talents and gifts will give them energy.
  • Focus more on character development---integrity, dignity, morals, principles, values and the courage to act on them.
  • "Character is the habits of behavior that shape our lives and define who we are." William James
  • Delayed gratification is the bedrock of character. Children and teens have to learn to bind their impulses and desires so they can live in the company of others.
  • Self-esteem is earned through our own efforts, achievements and accomplishments. It is the parent's resonsibility to give their children the opportunity to earn their self-esteem. You can not give them self-esteem. Allow them the opportunity to earn it.
  • We have been so obsessed with providing and protecting our children's self-esteem that we have raised children that crumble like cookies at the shocking discovery that the world does not revolve around them.
  • Indulged children have a hard time dealing with adversity, stress and life because all their whims have been indulged and they think the world revolves around them and their life should be a bed of roses.
  • Give your child and teen chores. It is an important part of being in the family. They learn that others exist and have needs. Teamwork. Together Everyone Achieves More.
  • If your child wants to do something you think they are too young to experience, tell them it is not age appropriate. Some teens will even admit that things are happening too fast for them.
  • Teen behavior is not always about rebellion and defiance. Many times it is about growth and change.
  • Choose your battles carefully. You might win the battle but lose the war.
  • Tell your teen you are sad or scared rather than angry. Anger begets anger. You are scared when they are late. You are sad when they make bad choices.
  • It is your attitude not your aptitude that determines the quality of your life.
  • The most important investment you will make in life is in your integrity.
  • The most important asset you will ever own is your reputation.
  • The most important expenditure you will make is in service to others.
  • The most important thing you do in the morning is put on your smile.
  • Watch your thoughts, they become your words, Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it is your destiny.
  • Give your child less material things and expect more responsible behavior from them. You set the bar.
  • Indulged children have a hard time dealing with reality because tthey have not experienced reality. Remember it is not what happens to them but how they will choose to deal with what happens to them. Parents must help them develop character so they can deal with adult challenges.
  • Be your child's or teen's PARENT NOT FRIEND.
  • Teens need and want structure. Structure is security. Limits are guardrails, stoplights, and gates. Limits for teens are security and protection. It is a parents's responsibility to decide when the teen is ready for privileges. Teens must EARN privileges. When they care for those privileges, they retain those privileges. When they abuse those privileges, they lose those privileges.
  • You are NOT attempting to raise perfect children but children who know how to struggle between right and wrong and good and bad. We do wrong when in that inner struggle, morality loses to self-interest and immediate gratification.
  • Have realistic expectations of your teen or child. Unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.
  • When your teen or child misbehaves address the issue and return to normalcy as soon as possible.
  • Allow your teens to fight their own battles. Give your teen credit for their intelligence.
  • Praise your teen or child when they do well. When they call, thank them. When teens are validated and we tell them we have confidence in them to make good choices, they do not walk away wanting to disappoint us.
  • Use "yes" more than "no". "Yes, you may go as soon as you clean your room." "Yes, I will take you as soon as you complete your homework."
  • Spend more time teaching and building honesty, integrity, respect and confidence. Less time picking on the little irritations of the teen. You were irritating as a teen also. Remember when!
  • Model good behavior for your children. Lead with your behavior not your mouth. They learn respect, friendliness, kindness, honesty, manners, etc. from what you do not what you say.
  • "Moral Compass" begins at home.
  • Your child is a gueat in your home. They are to appreciate your hospitality, participate and you must be a good host. Treat them with respect and courtesy and know how to graciously let them leave when it is time for them to go. Respect begets respect.
  • It is the holding on that hurts, not the letting go.
  • You have 18 years to teach your children how to leave you. They leave you physically but if you have been that benevolent, loving authority figure, your relationship is cemented forever.
  • When your children are little they step on your toes. When they are teens they step on your heart.
  • "When I was a boy of 14, I thought my old man was so ignorant I could hardly stand to be around him. When I turned 21, I was astounded at how much that man had learned in 7 years." Mark Twain
  • Common practices such as material indulgence, permissiveness, and over protectiveness lead to personality traits in our children that erode the development of character they will need to face adult challenges and adversity.
  • Happiness of our children comes from their engagement in the world; from compassion, independence, emotional maturity, and a sense of their own self-worth that is tempered by humility and a joy in being alive.