Articles
It's All About the Effort! » 03_25_2007
I have always insisted that we (therapists, teachers, parents) made a big mistake when we focused on self-esteem rather than character. You know, that movement in the late 80's and early 90's. That movement that convinced us all that we could give children self-esteem by praising their every movement and telling them they were soooo special. We even sung that song to them, "You are special, you are special la la la, la, la, la." Well, that has backfired on all of us. I have always believed that self-esteem is EARNED through our own efforts, achievements and accomplishments and it is our job as parents, teachers, and therapists to provide children and teens the opportunity to EARN their self-esteem.
A recent study reports that praising children from their intelligence or innate athletic ability is not the way to go. We need to praise children for their EFFORT! Children have no control over their intelligence but do have control over their effort. When we repeatedly praise children for their intelligence the children begin to believe they do not need to study because they are so intelligent. Praising for intelligence can actually harm motivation. The study suggests we praise children for their effort and do so in a process oriented way. "Great job chasing the ball down." "Good work with all that research for your paper." Teens want a sense of control over their lives and in praising effort it gives them a sense of control. All humans want this. We are born with a certain intelligence, innate talents----It is not what we are born with, it is what we choose to do with our IQ and talents that determines the quality of our life.