Articles
Who's In Control » 02_10_2007
"It's not the letting go that hurts, it is the holding on."
Parents and teens are stuggling with mixed feelings at the same time and neither struggler really knows how to identify the emotions much less what to do about it. As teenagers try to establish their identity, they have to adjust to the loss of childhood security and accept increasing adult responsibility. Parents are watching as the person who once squealed with delight when they entered a room, retreat to sullen silence and rejection. Teens are out of balance and parents are facing mid-life pressures. While teens are dismayed by each new pimple, parents may be agonizing over each wrinkle or grey hair. While teens are thinking in terms of time ahead and the opportunities it will bring, parents are beginning to think in terms of time remaining and the opportunities that are diminishing. While teens are gradually acquiring more personal power, parents are often beginning to confront their own limitations.
Teens could all be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as they continuously give parents the message, "I hate you, don't leave me." Parents could be diagnosed with co-dependent personality disorder as they give the teen the message, "Don't leave me, grow up. Don't leave me, grow up".
This life can be an emotional rollercoaster with all the "on-again, off again" relationships that takes place in a matter of minutes. The good news is this state of existence is normal. The teen is working toward independence and self-control and the parents are preparing to let go. They have "given the roots and now must give the wings". The instability in the relationship is a necessarry part of the teen's and parents' development in separating. There is only one way to survive this trying time: humor, remember when, humor, a sense of perspective, humor, love, humor, humility, humor and a good therapist.